The Hunt

October 31st, 2011 § 0 comments

An ex-DARPA lump sits in his room, halfheartedly masturbating, though really just fiddling with his flaccid penis, because he’s focused not on the muted pornography on his left screen, but on the blaring Naruto on the right screen.

Above these two screens, a third screen reveals an antipodal pursuit: an unmanned drone strafes the taiga with three military-grade infrared cameras, searching. Before long, it has located the quarry, a wild Mongolian she-boar, full-grown and returning to the lair to be with her piglets after a long day of searching for food.

Algorithms hum silently within the drone, and across the world, massive skeins of code spool down the screen of the young man’s laptop. He does not notice the various subroutines execute, for Sasuke is about to betray Orochimaru, and his penis is beginning to tumefy.

The drone throttles down through the troposphere and dives directly at the she-boar.

The wild Mongolian she-boar is the impressive product of millions of years of evolution. A hardy, resilient and versatile animal, she is capable of flourishing in a variety of harsh environments. A dense, thick hide and sharp, strong tusks provide sturdy defenses against would-be predators, and indeed, the she-boar has for centuries been respected by man for her courage and fierceness in battle.

The drone breaks Mach One, sending a thunderclap for miles in every direction, and savages the she-boar, filling its head with five hundred rounds of .510 caliber bullets.

The hunt is over.

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