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Red Shirt Rhetoric

October 31st, 2011 § 0 comments

Months ago I devised a way to accelerate good YouTube discoveries:

  1. Find a video you like.
  2. Search through the commenters for people who seem to appreciate the video in the same way you do.
  3. Open up their user pages and trawl through their uploads and favorites.

This still requires a lot of time and patience; great videos are always going to be hard to come by. Sometimes, though, you’ll end up stumbling across something invaluable:

 

Don’t let the video tags (“nintendo” “is” “the” “best” “suck” “my” “dick” “red” “shirt” “blob” “monster”) fool you, this video contains some super astoundingly useful communication techniques I have coined Red Shirt Rhetoric. If you’re looking to totally max out your communications, Red Shirt here is giving you an easy way to win arguments while winning people over at the same time.

Alright I’m gonna tell you why Red Shirt Rhetoric is better than what you’ve been using. Think of a madlibs-style template where you can apply Red Shirt’s phrasing to any argument or “point” you are trying to make. Say you and your friend are debating where to have dinner. Lets also say its coming down to Sushi vs. Pizza. Lets also say that you were the first person to suggest Sushi.

  1. Preemptively cut off him off with “Yes, of cour- yeesss…”
  2. Segue into some half-hearted, stilted hyperbole: “How many people eat Pizza? Hardly any. How many people eat… sushi. Pretty much all of them.
  3. Close out the argument: “That’s why pizza sucks, italian food is retarded, and for all of you who think Italian food is the best cuisine out there, you need to stop sucking Italy’s dick..”

And thats just one example! For those of you out there who aren’t convinced this is a good idea yet: Why? Your rhetoric now is just all about facts and… and that’s all it is. So, you can suck my dick, go to hell, and have a nice life.

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