disappointingson.com

Crazy Woman or Wild Animal?

Token Nobody | November 11th, 2011 | 0 comments

Target Practice

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments

Old Spice Guy

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments

I Am Iron Man

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments

Cockerham

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments

Hammer Head

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments

Car Crash

Token Nobody | November 10th, 2011 | 0 comments


  

Fashion Disaster

Duke of Kings | November 9th, 2011 | 0 comments

Suicide Techniques for the Truly Self-Loathing

Token Nobody | November 9th, 2011 | 0 comments

Are you a real self-loather? You may say so, but how are you planning to go out? Sleeping pills? Jumping in front of a train? Gun to da dome? Sure, all viable options minus the pills, but where’s the hate? How can you be a real self-loather if you coddle yourself with a comfortable death? Come on, you’re not some kind of coward, right?

Well, maybe you just couldn’t think of anything since you’re the dumbest person in the world. You do have options though. Its not totally hopeless.

For the masochists:
You like pain?  Go to the hardware store and pick up some barbed wire, or better yet, razor wire. Now, tie the razor wire into a noose. Don’t use gloves, idiot. Make sure when you kick the chair out from under you there isn’t too far to fall. You wouldn’t want to ruin it all by breaking your neck.

For the man-children:
Maybe you hate pain. You probably think about yourself a lot and are pathetic. It’s ok, you can just eat candy. Just eat a couple ounces of black licorice every day. This way you can eat sweets and cry softly to yourself while wait as your potassium levels slowly drop. No real effort required! Over the first week you’ll experience swelling and lethargy–a perfect excuse for more moping and sitting on your ass–but eventually congestive heart failure will finish you off during one of your naps.

For the unrelenting ascetics:
Thinking about a final blaze of glory? Think again, you don’t deserve such an exciting end. Find a cliff and drive up to the top. Don’t enjoy the view! Turn off your music. Do not speed towards the edge. Turn around and begin slowly backing your car up towards the edge of the cliff. Don’t get too comfortable: buckle up. Turn on the emergency blinkers, of course. As your car slowly slides off the edge, recognize that the on-board airbags will only push you more forcefully towards the rocks below.

For the hopeless helpless:
Some may feel that it is waiting for the inevitable that is most excruciating. Indeed. Begin construction on an intricate and lengthy Rube Goldberg device specially designed to carry out your own demise. Once completed, spend some time admiring your work. Take your time, but stay focused. Now, knock over the first domino and sit still, watching each macabre piece of the puzzle fall into place. Eventually, a rising balloon will knock over a series of marbles that finally fire a spring-loaded knife squarely into your gut. Falling backward, you hit a balanced bowling ball that rolls off to continue the second portion of the contraption. As you slowly bleed out on the ground, you’ll be forced to watch as the final, teetering hammer is knocked over, smashing your cell phone and with it any hope of rescue.

For the repulsed:
Fart into a plastic bag and seal it over your head.

Where am I?

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