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Review: Mohammed

Smug Druggler and Token Nobody | September 14th, 2012 | 0 comments

Make the Connection!

Smug Druggler | September 4th, 2012 | 0 comments

NASA faked the moon landings using alien technology, in collaboration with moon men!!

“Yahweh”  is Hebrew for “Illuminati!!”

2Pac was too close to releasing a concept album about dinosaurs to be allowed to live!!

The Jews built the pyramids!!

9/11 didn’t happen!!

Barack Obama’s birth certificate is locked in a vault underneath Denver International Airport!!

THINK ABOUT IT.

Don’t Get On His Bad Side

Smug Druggler | May 22nd, 2012 | 0 comments

Finally

Smug Druggler and Token Nobody | March 26th, 2012 | 0 comments

 

No Explanation Necessary

Smug Druggler and Token Nobody | March 24th, 2012 | 0 comments

The Cost of Doing Bizza’ness

Smug Druggler and Token Nobody | March 21st, 2012 | 0 comments

 

ДТП Nissan Navara и Freightliner.

Smug Druggler | March 20th, 2012 | 0 comments

The Waffle_Face C-SPAN Prank Calls

Smug Druggler | March 20th, 2012 | 0 comments

Children’s Book Review: Leslie the Cloud

Smug Druggler | December 22nd, 2011 | 0 comments

Leslie the Cloud begins with three chilling words—”Where’s my wagon?”—and uses this unsettlingly innocent query as a departure point for a profoundly sobering parable. An impressive accomplishment for any children’s book, to be sure, but doubly so given the yawningly predictable plot: a small and insecure cumulus cloud can’t find her wagon, and in a fugue of cascading despair heads for the moon, thereat to float, alone and forever. As Leslie slowly comes to understand that the wagon is truly gone, the child reader is forced to consider such topics as the long-term residual effects of permanent loss, the hollow and lingering sorrow of self-pity, and the inevitable necessity of withdrawal and its promise of eternal, silent solitude.

Highly recommended.

The Hunt

Smug Druggler | October 31st, 2011 | 0 comments

An ex-DARPA lump sits in his room, halfheartedly masturbating, though really just fiddling with his flaccid penis, because he’s focused not on the muted pornography on his left screen, but on the blaring Naruto on the right screen.

Above these two screens, a third screen reveals an antipodal pursuit: an unmanned drone strafes the taiga with three military-grade infrared cameras, searching. Before long, it has located the quarry, a wild Mongolian she-boar, full-grown and returning to the lair to be with her piglets after a long day of searching for food.

Algorithms hum silently within the drone, and across the world, massive skeins of code spool down the screen of the young man’s laptop. He does not notice the various subroutines execute, for Sasuke is about to betray Orochimaru, and his penis is beginning to tumefy.

The drone throttles down through the troposphere and dives directly at the she-boar.

The wild Mongolian she-boar is the impressive product of millions of years of evolution. A hardy, resilient and versatile animal, she is capable of flourishing in a variety of harsh environments. A dense, thick hide and sharp, strong tusks provide sturdy defenses against would-be predators, and indeed, the she-boar has for centuries been respected by man for her courage and fierceness in battle.

The drone breaks Mach One, sending a thunderclap for miles in every direction, and savages the she-boar, filling its head with five hundred rounds of .510 caliber bullets.

The hunt is over.

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